i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
