THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Alive.
So much puke
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
