He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
