dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
