K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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