That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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