it hurts more in the daytime
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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