i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
