she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
