I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
tell me about the eggs
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
