awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
