how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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