? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
