I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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