dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
