So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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