you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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