He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
