we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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