Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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