he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
