Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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