I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
