some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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