What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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