What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
