I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
