speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
