is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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