Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
