I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
