yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
