my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
