Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
