My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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