hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
