Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He did a backflip because drugs
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
