the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
