come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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