im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
