apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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