hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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