Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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