Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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