I skipped work to stalk him.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
