I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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