I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
