What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
