I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
