Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
