I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
