have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
