i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
