It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
