I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes