I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?