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I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
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