Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
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This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
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omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!