So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.