pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.