am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
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