I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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