I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
