I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
