omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
