oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
