You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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