What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
