He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
