Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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