dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
