The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
