i already hear my dad disowning me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
