Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
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How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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