If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
