Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize