just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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