Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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