Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
