girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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