so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
