We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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