I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
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Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
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You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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