guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
