she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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